A feeling of being alone
by Meira Kurosaki
Summary: My fourth Saiyuki fic... I don't know why I came up with this... feeling kind of angsty right now... please read and review.. Arigato.. ^^


Disclaimer: Can't say it but I have to… I…do…not…own…Gensomaden…Saiyuki…Gaiden… There. I said it… *sniff*

Author's note: Okay, my fourth Saiyuki fic. ^_^ I changed the name. It's just now I learned about Beyblade, and since Lei became my fave character there, I don't want to use his name… you know… ^_^ I just changed the name to Maiko. (Gomen, I can't think of other names…) -_-;; The idea came in when I remember the times when my parents scold me. I don't know why the idea came into my mind… ah forget it. ^^;; Well, some of the things that are happening to Maiko, [the main character for the fic] are related to me, and some are not. Please don't misunderstand me. I just want to test on making an angst fic… ^^;; I thought about writing it in my Saiyuki fic notebook, but I can't since I'm still working on my third fic, "Trust". Well, this fic will be a short one anyway… I don't know how to describe it… just read on!! ^_^ [Hakkai: Gambatte kudasai!! ^-^]

By the way, the fic may not make so much sense… Gomen… I'm in an angsty mood right now… kind of. Hehe… ^^;; Please read and review!! Arigatou! ^_^

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A Feeling of Being Alone

A Saiyuki fic

By: Suteki Hakkai, Kawaii Syaoran

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Maiko was in her room, and she was sitting by the window. She locked herself in the room for a while, to think about some things. It's ok for her anyway. It was 1:00 in the afternoon, and everyone in the house was sleeping, so probably no one would disturb her.

Maiko really liked these types of times. Alone, and she could concentrate on anything in silence. Well, she's really alone… she's the only child. Sometimes she thought about the advantages of being an only child, and the disadvantages. _"It's both nice, and not nice, being an only child,"_ Maiko thought. _"One thing I like about it, probably, is having all the things you want. Wait. Not all things. Some things like… freedom. Yes, not all. Sometimes I think I don't have freedom. Like Homura, I think he grew up in prison. Me? I grew up overprotected, I think. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. Overprotected… Heh, that's a title of a song… anyway, I thought I sometimes don't have freedom. I'm not allowed to go out without my parents. Not a single time I went out without my parents. They want to see me I'm safe. Even if they don't see me, I'm trying my best to keep safe… of course!" Maiko sighed as she looked at the blue sky. She continued thinking. __"I'm wondering… why is it like this? I remember the times they [my parents] scold me. Sometimes, I accept my faults, but… but… why do I think it's their fault sometimes? What I meant by that, why do I think that it's their fault for giving me a bad mood, which caused me to answer back? Is it probably because they are overprotecting me?"_

*flashback*

"Maiko, you should use your Internet for studying only. But it seems that you don't listen. You've been making the line busy just for your stupid dilly-dallies." My mother scolded once again. It has always been like this. There wasn't a day I wasn't scolded. Well, I'm not complaining – sometimes. And, it looks like my temper has been triggered again. Now that she said 'stupid dilly-dallies'. Great. My knees are shaking again, and it looks that mixed emotions are about to burst. I hugged myself. I thought: "_I admit, but I also don't want to study and study and study. Life would be dull. I also need some leisure, you know…" I wished I can answer this, but I can't… and now it looked like I unconsciously said "Ok, I'm sorry" flatly. This then triggered my mom's temper also, and I got scolded more. _"Shoooot!"_ I thought, _"Me and my silly temper. But sometimes it's their fault… maybe…"_ _

*end of flashback*

Maiko sighed again. She looked at the Saiyuki poster in front of her, and to another on her cabinet door. "Hakkai," she whispered. "The truth behind the smile……" she sighed. "Sometimes, I'm almost like him," Maiko looked at the sky again, as she was lying on her bed. "When I'm in school, I feel happy, and I smile… and I hide my worries about what will I do at home – with all that scolding. Sometimes I fear that when I arrive at home, I might get scolded again…" Maiko sighed again, and she giggled a bit. "Wow, I never thought I would sigh so much…" She slightly smiled. But she really needed someone to talk to, to tell him or her about her feelings. She shares it with some of her closest friends, but she isn't contented. Her friends' parents are different. She needed someone who can fully understand, and to help her see the light, now that she's in the darkness of her thoughts. It sometimes looks like she was isolated from the world. _"My own world, huh?"_ She thought. _"Maybe…"_ She was drowned in her thoughts and she fell asleep.

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"Maiko-san… Maiko-san…" A gentle voice was calling her.

Maiko opened her eyes. She glanced at her surroundings. Her eyes widened. She was sitting in a field of flowers. Beautiful, white flowers. There was a tree, and she ran to it. As she got closer, she realized what type of tree it was. It was a big, sakura tree. And someone was under that tree. She stood to a stop, and she realized who it was. Cho Hakkai. The truth behind the smile.

Maiko looked at the green-eyed man, who was reading a book. Maiko smiled. Hakkai looked at Maiko and he smiled also.

"Hello," Hakkai greeted. "Have a seat."

"Hi," Maiko greeted back as she blushed, and she sat down near Hakkai. Hakkai was her favorite character, and she really liked him. "Anou…" Maiko looked down. _"I can't believe it's Hakkai! I hope he can help me…" _Maiko thought.

"Yes… you're an only child right?" Hakkai seemed to read Maiko's mind.

"Yes…"

"You're lucky. Even though you're overprotected." Hakkai said, still reading the book. Maiko stared at Hakkai.

"You see, even though you're overprotected, you can see your parents love you. You're lucky that you have them, unlike me… when I was a child I grew up in an orphanage."

Maiko was listening, but she was still looking down. Little by little Hakkai was showing her the light.

"You should love them, while they are still around. It would be hard to live alone right?" Hakkai smiled. "And I know you get your needs from them."

"But-" Hakkai put a finger on Maiko's mouth, and he smiled.

"No need. I fully understand your feelings." Hakkai said, and Maiko presumed he was reading her mind ever since, but she didn't mind. She was happy that, at least, even without saying or explaining a word, someone fully understood her.

"You said that sometimes you admit your fault. That's ok. And you also said that sometimes it may be your parents' fault. Well, that's-"

"Bad?" Maiko cut in.

"No, not fully bad." Hakkai smiled and locked his eyes with Maiko's.

"Oh~ then what is it?" Maiko asked, full of curiosity.

"Probably, that may be true, sometimes. But sometimes, we also need to consider some things. We need to look deep into the situation. Analyze." Hakkai put down his book, and he looked at the blue sky.

"Analyze?" Maiko leaned at the tree. A mild breeze flew by, and the shade was getting cooler.

"Hai. You may not fully understand what I mean, but I have two words to say – patience, and endurance." Hakkai smiled and he opened his book again. "Whatever you may go through, be patient. Sometimes you may have that feeling of mixed emotions bursting, but try to hold it in. Take a deep breath. Don't be angry if your parents scold you. They may also be unclear about something. Anyway, just be patient."

Maiko's heart felt like it was flying, soaring high. She has now gone out of the darkness. She didn't know how, but it seems that even just a short conversation with Hakkai lifted a big load off her heart.

_"Patience… endurance…" Maiko thought. She felt like crying… but she didn't. Instead, she hugged Hakkai tightly. "Arigato, Hakkai." Maiko said as she looked at Hakkai's smiling face._

"You're welcome." Hakkai hugged her also.

Maiko was very happy. She never had such an experience. Yes, it was a dream, but it seemed so real. When she hugged Hakkai, she can really feel his warmth. Warmth that made her feel so comfortable. She cried a bit, and Hakkai wiped her tears.

"Hontoni arigato, Hakkai-san." Maiko smiled. "I will never forget this."

Hakkai smiled. "Me too. Take care……" Hakkai's voice faded………… and everything went bright……………

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Maiko woke up, and she found her pillow wet with tears – tears of joy… Maiko sat up and smiled, and she looked at her Saiyuki posters. "Arigato… Hakkai…" Maiko whispered. She looked at the time. It was 2:00. _"So I slept for almost an hour? Nah, its ok." Maiko giggled. She remembered her 'dream' talking with Hakkai. She would just keep it a secret, and never tell it to anyone. I would just be a secret… an unforgettable realistic dream… and she would never forget – __'Patience' and 'endurance', as Hakkai said. She promised to herself she would try to endure all the trials and sufferings…… and face the world with a new weapon – her smile. ^_^_

~Owari~

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Author's note: Well, how was it? The product of being scolded, and feeling angsty…… gomenasai if it was kind of weird… Anyway please review… Arigato!!! ^_^ By the way, I'm working on chapter 10 of my third Saiyuki fic, entitled "Trust". ^_^ It's almost finished. ^_^ I'll try my best to hurry up…… Sometimes it's kind of hard being an only child… but I'm trying my very very best to endure it… though sometimes 'patience' and 'endurance' doesn't work… But there are many things inspiring me to endure……… Don't ask. ^_^ Well, jaa ne!!! ^_^


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